James 1:2-3

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."

This verse has been haunting me all week. Not the verse itself but when people use this verse in the wrong context. God tells us to consider it pure joy when we go through trials, that doesn't mean have to be joyful in the midst of them. I do not think I know any Christian who says, "Bring on the trials Lord so I can show you I have joy." I am speaking for myself here when I say that I really do not have Joy in the trial that I am going through right now but I can tell you that I have JOY knowing that I am being tested and my faith will be stronger once I get through this trial. I have JOY knowing that when God gets me thought this heart aching trial, with His strength, that I will have been plucked, pruned, and shaped to be formed closer to the person that God wants me to be. But knowing all of this still does not stop the pain that I feel in my heart and even the anger that I sometimes have at the situation that I am in. I would be a liar if I told you that I am happy for what happened because I am not and I think what happened totally sucks and it is heart wrenching but with His strength I can get through this. My Father will comfort me and in that I find my peace and Joy. 
I have had a rough week but God has given me my husband to help me through this and Mike has been amazing the last few days. Even though he will never know how I am feeling or what I am feeling He will never leave me and will always be by my side. But God, being the perfect God that He is, also knew that I would need more than Mike in my life so He brought someone else in my life at the most perfect time. She has been through this same thing and knows all the mixed emotions that come and go and has been there for me in ways that I could not have ever imagined and not having that first time God knew I needed it the second time around. Something that she said to me was " Know that when you don't have the strength to pray, I'm praying for you." At that moment knowing that I was so angry and could not go to God she was able to do it for me. I am in awe at the way God has the body of believers work and how when one is down there is someone there trying to pick the other up.
By no means is this trial going to get easier in a week but soon the days will get easier, so I have been told :) But I just have to remember that God will not give me anything that I can not handle without Him. So prayers are welcomed, and Thanks to those that have been praying!