The sad days...

So when I was driving today I heard this song...I have heard it many times and every time it makes me cry just because I think it is such a sweet song, it actually makes me think of the book, "notebook" I am not sure why but it just does. Well anyways I was listening to it and I got to the end of the song and for some reason Mike's dad John popped into my head and I just started thinking about him. I didn't really know the side of John that many people talk about. He was nice and loving and he loved us the best way he knew how but I wish I would have known the John that everybody talks about. The John that loved to dance, laugh, play jokes, be a dork, hit on girls, go out and have a good time. I never met that guy. For me and Sydney he was the "diaper fairy" and the day before he died was the first time I really saw JOHN. I sometimes think that I never gave him a chance or that he did not know that I loved him and I cared about him.
Okay back to the song, its called "Walking her home" and I highlighted the part in red that made me think of John

Walking Her Home
Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call
Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you'll never leave her side
He took her to a show in town
And he was ten feet off the ground
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home
Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son
His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he's got your eyes
And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night
He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home
He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side
A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night
And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out

But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen
And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

John alone and on June 4 he felt very much alone and that breaks my heart. I wish he would have had someone to walk him home. I wish he could be here to see his precious little grandson. I wish he could be here to see Sydney swim, all because he got her swimming lessons for Christmas. I wish he knew that he was not alone. I wish he knew how much he son loved him and misses him every day. I wish he knew that I loved him and that I wanted him to meet Seth. I know that I did not give John enough credit and I know that I did not talk to him as much as I should have. And I know that I should have told him more than I did that I loved him.
Mike has a harder time with this than I do as he should. And there are so many times where I can not help him and I feel so guilty not being able to. But when I hear this song it kind of sums up what I am trying to do for him. I know that I can not fix him but there are times when I try because I just want him to be happy again and not sad.

Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you