Paid it all.

In Church this morning we sang this song...

Jesus Paid it all.

I hear the Savior say 
Thy strength indeed is small 
Child of weakness watch and pray 
Find in me thine all in all 

Jesus paid it all 
All to him I owe 
Sin had left a crimson stain 
He washed it white as snow 

Lord now indeed I find 
Thy power and thine alone 
Can change the lepers spots 
And melt the heart of stone 

Jesus paid it all 
All to him I owe 
Sin had left a crimson stain 
He washed it white as snow 

It's washed away! All my sin! And all my shame! 

And when before the throne 
I stand in him complete
Jesus died my soul to save 
My lips shall still repeat 

Jesus paid it all 
All to him I owe 
Sin had left a crimson stain 
He washed it white as snow 
Sin had left a crimson stain 
He washed it white as snow 

Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead
Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead 

Jesus paid it all 
All to him I owe 
Sin had left a crimson stain 
He washed it white as snow 


This is one of my all time favorite songs and I have heard it many many times but for some reason this morning it made me cry for a very different reason...my little boy.

I can not tell you exactly why but little parts here and there made me just think of him and what he has been through in his short life so far and just how much I want him to be okay. But the thing that is hard for me is that when I want him to be okay and healthy and perfect, in Gods eyes he is already perfect. Stuff with Seth has been hard lately not necessarily anything new just stuff in general and it has nothing to do with Seth he has been great it has all been me and my own thoughts. And when I really think about it and what we have been through I can get really angry. I wish sometimes that cCMV was a cause from something like doing drugs or eating cold cuts while pregnant cause if that was the case Seth would have never gotten it but instead it is a virus that anyone can get and God allowed me to get it and I will figure out this tough road with HIM of course but right now it is a really rough one and it is hard and scary and a sad one.