Thoughts, Fears, and Eternity.

I see little boys that are Seth's age and I have a hard time. They are running around at the park, fighting with their siblings, eating solid foods without gagging, talking all the time, coloring on walls with markers, cutting their own hair, making a huge mess while they play in the sink, or saying "mommy I love you." I'm sure it's jealously cause it is wanting something that I do not have or can't have but yet at the same time it hurts and it is hard. Life is hard!

It is hard to think that I might not see Seth stand up on his own, or walk down the hallway, or eat food off his plate, or say "I love you", or play sports. I try not to focus on these thoughts but at night when everyone else is asleep I have these thoughts. The worst one I have is that if I go to sleep and I miss something happening to my little boy and I wake up in the morning and something happened. That's what keeps me awake.

I know God is in control and He has our days already numbered and everything is for His glory...I just need to constantly remind myself that what I know trumps what I feel and that God is glorified and God will take care of my family and my little boy! God is the most perfect Father and I am just blessed that He calls me his daughter. I didn't do anything to deserve His grace but He gave it to me. God Has Seth right where He needs to be and He has me where I'm suppose to be. I'm not going to lie, it's hard and sometimes it sucks, but eternity FOREVER awaits for me and one day I can call that my home!